- Sell the HDTVs we put in every dorm lobby, I suggest Ebay.
- Stop giving the SA President a Scholarship.
- Buy the Vern Express buses instead of renting them.
- Get rid of the room cleaning service in Thurston
- Pay Knapp's salary in carbon credits
- Pay B-ball coaches Hobbs and Bozemen in Xanax (seriously those guys need to calm the frak down)
- Replace the EMErG Ambulance with a Plague-era horse and buggy.
- Close J-street and replace it with an Algerian Souq
- Replace UPD with the cast of Police Academy 7: Mission to Moscow
- Burn The Marvin Center and collect the insurance (replace with a large circus tent)
My suggestions to the $60 million committee
So this innovation task force released 200 "ideas" on how the university could save or "continuously fund-raise" (??) $60 million over the next five years. They seem to be stuck on exactly how to save (or keep?) that money. I have some ideas:
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6 comments:
Genius work, W.
How about fire Meghan Chapple-Brown and shut down the ridiculously expensive, and unnecessary, office of sustainability? Of course, we can recycle their shit and plant a tree for each of the employees lost. We can then appoint any stoner to take the reigns and do an equally effective job and save the university millions.
Sell the Mobile Command Center and pay for a reality check for UPD.
Fire one out of every 5 administrators to bring our administrator to student ratio closer to 1:1 (down, of course, from the current 1.2 administrators per student). Plant a tree for each administrator lost. Maybe throw in a brick in Kogan if they were really good at not doing anything.
Stop single handedly funding Sodhexo and several other contract companies who are assuredly raping us of our $$.
Fire one of Knapps several assistants. Particularly the one who ensures that all text presented to him is in Verdana 12. True Story. He needs everything in Verdana 12. My font of choice is simply NOT WINGDINGS. THAT IS THE EXTENT OF A REASONABLE REQUEST. So yeah, fire her and give Knapp a taste of Times New Roman.
Fire any administrator who has "Student" somewhere in their title who students are unable to talk to. Estimated savings: $750,000 x 4
start charging people for the use of "gw" like this idiot blog
Anonymous #2, we already pay $50k a year for that privilege.
Shut down that school without walls... why should we pay for them to go to school?
Pretty sure the freshman room cleaning services saves the University money in the long run by keeping the rooms from being completely destroyed every year.
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